Philip Novak, “Developing Your Awareness,” in Inner Knowing, ed. Helen Palmer. New York: Tarcher, 1998.
The mere act of trying to hold the mind to a single point, an act with which higher forms of meditation begin, teaches the beginner in a radically concrete and experiential way that he or she has little or no control over the mental flow. All attentional training starts with this failure. This is the first great step in the work of objectifying the mental flow, that is, of seeing it not as something that “I” am doing but something that is simply happening.
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We can spend so much of our lives trying to be in control, trying to master our activities and project an image of competence. But when we try to bring this attitude to meditation and prayer, we discover that it is not possible to control our own minds. What a shock to experience the flow of our thoughts as something that is happening to us, rather than something that we control! This passage highlights the word “failure.” Our associations with this word are so negative, yet in meditation, our failure can lead to illumination. The failure to control our minds can give us the insight to see ourselves as we really are, separate from our thoughts. We begin to reorganize ourselves and our self-image to accommodate reality. We become more open to what is.
Hurray for failure! What a concept -- how freeing, liberating, downright redeeming! Help me, Creator, to risk failure. Draw me to Yourself, please, in the silence of meditation and centering prayer. Call me into Your very being. And if I fail to steady myself there, I trust in Your will and might to keep me safe, no matter how unsteady and insecure I feel. Call me!
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